- The Eradicator played by Bruce McCulloch
- Brent Armstrong played by Mark McKinney
- Brent's Secretary
- Business Man played by Scott Thompson
- Squash Player played by Dave Foley
- James Thorson played by Kevin McDonald
(Scene: opens to a business meeting. Mark stands with a pointer in hand, and businessmen sit round the table)
Mark: Ah, if you gentlemen would like to turn to page six, we'll take a look at the international review. Now, I know it's ah (clears throat) common knowledge that we ah, lost some money in the last quarter, but I feel it's premature to blame our logo (points to logo). Now...
Bruce: Armstrong!! Which one of you pus-heads is Brent Armstrong?
Scott: The guy with the pointer.
Woman: I'm sorry Brent, he wouldn't wait.
Mark: Ah-who the hell are you?
Bruce: I am the Eradicator (looks at business men). The Eradicator. Armstrong, you missed our squash game.
Mark: Oh, the D-Squash Ladder.
Bruce: Yeah (points to head)!
Mark: I'm sorry I forgot. I was very rude.
Bruce: So, we'll call it a default then.
Bruce: Another win for the Eradicator!! I climb the D-Squash Ladder one rung at a time. Today, you are my rung Armstrong!! (tosses Mark a squash with Eradicator symbol on it. runs to door and stops) Don't try to follow me, I have a cab waiting (points wo head. runs down hallway). Eradicator!!!
(Scene change: outside locker room)
Dave: Nice game, you deserved it (shakes Kevin's hand).
Kevin: Thanks. It was fun.
Dave: Who you playin' next?
Kevin: Um...(looks to D-Squash Ladder) E-radi-ca-tor.
Dave: Ooo-must be good, he beat Brent Armstrong.
Bruce: (jumps out of hallway with racket and bag in hands) Eradicator!! (swings racket freely. Dave and Kevin bewildered) Eradicator!!
Dave: Hi there.
Kevin: And ah, who are you?
Bruce: I am your worst nightmare.
Kevin: Maurice Lawerence from high school?
Bruce: No, I didn't go to your high school. Oh! You know too much about me already. I am the Eradicator (points racket at Kevin).
Dave: Oh (shakes head with Kevin).
Bruce: When I stand atop th D-Squash Ladder, then and only then will I reveal my true identity. James Thorson, I shall defeat you!
Kevin: Great, how 'bout Tuesday morning?
Bruce: (takes schedule out of bag) Ah-Tuesday is not good for the Eradicator. How 'bout Wednesday, 8:15 AM?
Kevin: Sure, that will be fine.
Bruce: You will now spend each moment between now and the match worrying. Every minute will be a universe of terror, and marothon of fear.
Kevin: 8:15, I'll try not to forget.
Bruce: Don't try to follow me. Tick, tick, tick. Eradicator (runs back down hallway)!!
(Scene change: squash court. Bruce asleep in corner.)
Bruce: Euh! Eradicator!!
Kevin: I'm not late, and I?
Bruce: No. I slept here all night to get a feel for the court.
Kevin: Great. Well, let's rally for serve.
Bruce: (swings racket) Let the carnage begin.
(Scene change: showers)
Kevin: Well, you almost won the second game.
Bruce: I think my mighty scream was a bit off.
Kevin: I think it was your serve.
Bruce: Do you wanna unmask me?
Kevin: No. I'm fine.
Bruce: It's your right.
Kevin: No. Everything's okay.
Kevin: Hey! You can always join the volleyball team.
(Scene change: Bruce with a volleyball with the Eradicator symbol on it.)
Bruce: Eradicator! (hits ball.)